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Surviving the Suburbs

Part One: Saviors on the sidewalk

I walk my dog about 2-3 miles every night. But tonight was the first night that we ran into some Mormons on BIKES. I thought they were environmentally friendly Geek Squad members at first. They gave me their little spiel about LSD LDS and I smiled and nodded and took a brochure. Ah, if they only knew I was listening to Flight of the Conchord’s Business Time during our encounter.


Part Two: Catching Communicable Diseases So You Don’t Have To!

And then I got H1N1 and walking pneumonia. Then after all that I cracked a rib. Please just shoot me now to put me out of my misery. The only good thing about all this is how everyone now avoids me like the plague. Literally. Not gonna lie, that is kind of awesome. I am going to make a T-Shirt that says: “I got Swine Flu and Survived –Kind of…”

I am only miffed that I got H1N1 in the most wussy way (breathing). I didn’t even make out with complete strangers to get it.


But having a cracked rib blows. You can’t do anything without pain (breathing or moving). God forbid someone tells me a joke and I laugh. Sneezing nearly killed me.


Part Three: Escaping again

So, to spread the plague love, I am now off to Chicago for 5 days. I am uber excited. The last time I went it was incredibly awesome, despite the fact I got food poisoning on the first night…SO, now I am uber excited to have another viris & a cracked rib when I go. Maybe one time I’ll go there without being sick. Maybe. But I am pumped to see museums, get back on the subway (I miss my tube in London-Old Street Station FTW), see some art, and wander around aimlessly. Maybe even explore some Amish villages when I drive back.

Ta for now! Must finish packing

p.s. Everyone enjoy SHARK Week? I know I did. I even got a celebratory shark hat. What is it with Nature documentaries that makes me really hungry for meat?


So I went to California earlier this July. And then I got knocked flat with the flu and went into a mourning state after watching Torchwood: Children of Earth. So, it's about time I posted some photos.


Photos from the Winchester Mansion, Monterey Bay, and Cannery RowCollapse )

Other interesting things that happened in California:

-I met my old buddy, Norm Coleman, again in the L.A. Airport. He waved at me after I yelled said hello to him. His security guard gave me the dirtiest look. I really need to start that politician bingo card...

-Also, the L.A. Airport SUCKS. They lie to you, saying you need to pick up your luggage when you really don't, and then they make you go through security all over again. Also, the food in that airport makes one nauseous.

- squirrelarmy got pulled over by the police while driving. I took a photo for my scrap book.
One day we'll look back on this moment, laugh nervously, and never talk about it again.

- squirrelarmy also got some pretty cute kittens. I kind of miss them, or just the fuzziness of cats in general. But Dexter, my 70lbs lap dog, will do.

-On flying back to the great MN I got bumped up to first class because the  people who were sitting in first class refused to be in charge of the EMERGENCY EXIT door. So, the flight attendant came back and asked for volunteers. It was great, I just had to glance over the safety manual (which wasn't really that helpful truth be told) and then I got to stretch out and sip champagne and read my book. We would have been screwed if the plane went down though, not gonna lie.


Of Plumbing and Heists

A man came into my office today because his sink was blocked. I told him I work in graphic design not plumbing. He told me he was pretty sure that the reason his sink was plugged was because I was clogging the water pipes with my sink in my office. Here’s the thing, I don’t have a sink in my office (I know there are water pipes in the 18 foot high ceilings because I can hear the water when it rains, but being 5’3” myself, I cannot reach the ceilings, even if I stand on my desk) and despite telling the man that I have no sinks in my office and that I have to use the facilities or the water fountain a floor below, he barged into my office & went searching for it.

First off, rude.

Secondly, when one walks into my office, they can see how pretty open the floor plan is and how it seems kind of hard to hide a sink in here. That and they can see that it is plainly furnished by IKEA (cheap desks & tables for ALL).

Third, I assure you, sir, that there is no sink under my desk or in my work bag.* Please quit looking, you're spooking the interns.

Fourth, I do have access to ALL the security cameras to the building in my office (it’s in the coat closet next to my desk). I can pull the biggest heist of all time, but no one seems concerned about that...

Clogged sinks. SRS Business.

*My work bag is indeed bigger on the inside, but it ain't no Tardis and sadly doesn't contain a kitchen sink.


Coming in five whole parts!


Part One: Scenes from the family.


Mal’s Dad: Why are you drinking from the wine bottle?

Mal: Because there is only half of the bottle left & I don’t want to dirty up a glass.

Mal’s Dad: You’re either a resourceful or a lazy drunk.

Mal: I’m not drunk. When I am, I obsessively clean & tidy up everything in sight. It’s like I have temporary alcohol induced OCD or something

Mal’s Dad:…You are like the worst parts of me & your mother combined.

Mal: Thanks, I guess…That stove needs to be cleaned by the way.


Part Two: Movie Meme, taken from:[info]merlinburgh
1. Pick 10 of your favorite movies.

2. Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.

3. Post them here for everyone to guess.

4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.

5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDB search functions.

Read more...Collapse )


Part Three: Book Review

Secret Diary of a Call Girl.

By: Anonymous

Funny, interesting, & hot. Coincidentally, what I like & look for in others. Actually had me considering different career alternatives…

Love the book, love the show.

Part Four: Drinking Games & Potential Alcohol Poisoning
[info]merlinburgh & I created & celebrated our creation of the Torchwood drinking game. It was brilliantly nerdy and poisonous to the liver. Obviously it needs to be played again for all the seasons of the show.

Part Five:
I’m getting out of here

Going to California for holiday. Keep calm & carry on kids. 

I hid under your porch because I love you!

Long time no update. Way to be on top of things Mal.
This entry comes in 4 Germanic parts. Because my desktop calendar inspires me to speak in German.


Met this guy and had a drink with him this past Friday night. It was fantastically odd and awkward and awesome.
Mal, meeting random politicians in lake-side bars so you don’t have to!


I found the key to get any politician to sit with you. Pretend that you know them. They will then scratch their brains trying to figure out who you are & where they met you, while you prattle on about inane stuff to get them to talk ( i.e. "Hi Norm! What'cha doing up here?") It also helps if that Politician is named Norm and you've seen Cheers, cause then you can shout: "NORM!" ala Cheers. Like this.

Oh, and also don’t talk about politics. It’s just impolite. Norm and I talked about boats & Craig’s List. Which, coinicidently, he was buying and testing out a boat he found on Craig’s list. (I valiantly resisted talking about all the call girl adds I see on Craig’s List and instead talked about purchasing a copy machine from there…I know, I should have talked about escort adds, it would have been more interesting than talking about boats. But hey, it's Minnesota and there are a lot of lakes).


I have decided I am going to start a BINGO card for all the random politicians I see. It’ll be just like Road Kill BINGO…but not so dead-ish…maybe.


Other than that, I'm making plans for my escape holiday in California, and planning awesomely nerdy drinking game weekends with [info]merlinburgh, and am arting it up (I cleaned up my oil paints & brushes, bought canvas for a commission, and got oil & a new palette. Art is a process. A cleaning & organizing process in my case).

Saw the movie UP, It is now my favorite Pixar movie of all time. Seriously, it is awesome and cute, sad, and adorable, and hilarious. I can sing it's praises. I need to see it again.


Here there be memesCollapse )

What do you do for a dog with a broken tail? Argh! It's SO Frustrating.

I feel so bad for Dexter. The breaks not bad enough to warrant a late evening trip to the animal hospital, plus it's his tail and not a leg or foot, but I feel so bad for him. He is not acting like his usual self at all (for example: OMG I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!!! I MISSED YOU I MISSED YOU! LET’S PLAY FETCH AND GO FOR A WALK AND EAT FOOD--SQUIRREL!!1!) Yeah, he is down in the dumps and is looking at me with those big sad puppy dog eyes and heaving doggy sighs. Poor puppy.  Was able to remedy some of the pain with pain killers hidden in marshmallows. Not much I can do till tomorrow. I think Dexter will eat me if I even think about splinting his tail. Maybe we can sit on the couch and I can ice it...


Book Reviews:

Nameless by Sam Starbuck aka [info]copperbadge

Overall review: Loved it. Plain and simple. I only wish that it was longer. He has a way of writing that draws you in  and become lost in the world he creates. I think that's pretty damn good for a self published author.

You can read more about it & the process of writing it here


The Mayor of Castro Street: The Life and Times of Harvey Milk

By Randy Shilts

Overall review: Good. Especially for a biography.

As far as biographies go, this read like a gossip column had a love child with a historical journalist. It was fantastic. It didn’t hurt that Harvey Milk had a very interesting life. But all the more, it made me want to meet Harvey Milk and the people who worked and were friends with him. It also made me wish we learned about him in all my history classes. Seriously, I never heard about him till I saw the movie MILK or in  passing reference on random documentaries about the Seventies.


Also, on a completely random and totally surreal note, my grandmother, my sweet 67 year old family matriarch likes Torchwood. WTF?! I am still in shock. No one knows what that show is, except for a few strange and awesome people (usually my friends and other nerds). And then to suddenly discover at a family dinner that one’s little old grandmother rents it on Netflix and loves it...Seriously, I thought I was having a fever dream. No one, except my friends, know I love that show. With a passion I might add. It’s like heroin. You know it’s bad, but you can’t help yourself and you need it more and more. Maybe I am not the only odd duck of my family after all. I think my mind will seriously be blown if I discover she blogs about it…God, I hope not.

Scenes from the family: Cell Phones

Mal's Mom: Hey Mal, can you call my cell phone? I don't know where I left it.
Mal: Okay. I am calling you now.
*The Song: The Bitch is Back plays*
Mal: *glares*
Mal's Mom: Oh! Why here it is! Like my new ring-tone? I chose it especially for YOU!
Mal: ...There is so not going to be any "Greatest Mom is the Whole World" coffee mugs for you this Mother's Day.


In honor of the Oscars tonight, here is one of the short animated films that has been nominated
squirrelarmy it made me think of you and your stuffed octapus. And our love. ~_^


It's Business TIME!

Dude, do you know what I am excited for?

Oh yeah, business time will happen in May!

Conversations from Work

I was uploading music onto a website that was recorded at an elementary school  band concert. 


Mal: *plays song to test on website*

Boss: Was that polka music?

Mal: Yeah, it was the only song that was good and not off key or out of time . Those kids aren’t little Mozarts. And besides, I like polka.

Boss: You like polka music?

Mal: Yep. It’s not like I listen to it on my iPod regularly, but I still like it. My grandparents were professional polka dancers, and I once was chosen as the best polka dancer in my class back in 9th grade. I even lead the polka dance for the 9th grade dance competition. Nerdy, I know.

Boss:  Wow. Polka is in your blood.

Mal: Polka gets my heart all a flutter. Hence why I chose the polka song to play on the website. I refuse to let polka die. POLKA WILL NEVER DIE!* 

*In the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher, one of the characters shouts a mantra of “Polka will never die!” as he was running for his life whilst strapped to his one-man-band polka suit.